Dealing With Aggressive Behavior: when kids hit, kick, and bite

When it comes to challenging behavior, aggression is one of the top struggles teachers cite needing help with.

It’s disruptive for the child, the staff and teachers, and their peers, and any teacher will tell you an ongoing problem of a child being aggressive can completely change the atmosphere and vibe of the entire classroom.

At its worst, the behavior can result in serious injury to someone.

And it only seems to be getting more prevalent as the years pass.

So, what should early childhood educators do about children who hit, kick, and bite in the classroom?

Understand what’s happening

It’s expected for children to sometimes engage in aggressive behavior.

Developmentally their executive functioning skills are still needing lots and lots of practice, which means they have limited impulse control, emotional regulation skills, and conflict resolution.

When they feel strong emotions like anger, frustration, or fear that inclination to react with their body kicks in, resulting in actions like hitting.

For younger children with limited means of communication, biting is 100% typical behavior as well.

That’s why understanding child development is such a crucial part of behavior management in early childhood education.

It allows us to discern what’s developmentally typical and expected behavior versus what behavior may be a cause for concern.

This will further shape the way we address the behavior and if any interventions and resources will be needed.

It should be noted that just because certain behaviors are typical, it doesn’t mean it’s behavior to ignore or not take seriously, and the frequency that it happens also makes a difference too.

For example, it’s normal to see a nearly two-year-old bite when they’re not able to communicate their needs, but it can be a cause of concern when paired with regression in speech and a known recent trauma.

It could be just a one-off incident that is fixed with something like offering a child a chewy to keep them from biting a friend or redirecting a bored child to something more interesting.

We also have to keep in mind (with this post being written in late 2022) that children in the last 1-3 years have experienced some pretty traumatic events collectively and this also will impact their behavior and the development of their executive functioning skills.

All that said, sometimes, there are children who display ongoing aggressive behavior that need more intensive attention from us.

And those are the behavior’s we’ll be focusing on in this blog post.

Let’s get into what to do about children biting, kicking, and hitting.

Some news you don’t want to hear…

The most important part of dealing with aggressive behavior is going to happen when the child is not acting aggressively.

Being aggressive is a sign that the child is struggling with executive functioning skills, and those can be taught.

As their skill grows, the behavior decreases; but just like a muscle, it needs to be strengthened through training and repetition.

Unfortunately, if it’s been ongoing behavior, there’s not going to be some magical teacher hack to get them to stop overnight.

#1. When they’re not being aggressive

Self-regulation for adults

When it comes to behavior like hitting and kicking, it can be very triggering for adults, especially if the aggression is being directed at them.

It’s crucial for us as adults to be mindful of how we’re regulating our own emotions and reaction when engaging with the child if we want to be effective.

When a child is acting aggressively they're dysregulated, and if we’re also dysregulated then it stands to reason that we can’t help them in that state.

Even when we don’t quite know what to do in terms of getting their behavior to stop, the one thing we can be sure of is that we have to remain calm.

Self-regulation also comes into play when addressing our own biases and assumptions we might be consciously or unconsciously making about the child, which also impacts how we interact with them.

If we’ve already decided the child is bad, then that perspective will continue to paint how we engage with them.

Even unintentionally, teachers can begin seeing the majority of the child’s actions as malicious or automatically assume that the child is in the wrong whenever there’s a disagreement between them and another student.

It can even escalate to a point when we write the child off as hopeless and stop actively looking for solutions and ways to help them.

It’s certainly easier said than done, but stay clear-headed and objective so you can find a solution that’s best for the child instead of being punitive.

Try brainstorming regulation techniques you can use when the child is acting out beforehand to help.

Prevention and proactivity

It’s not always possible, but when you can, prevent the behavior or keep it from escalating.

Things like giving the child an additional warning when it’s time to clean up, letting them know ahead of time about a change in the schedule, or giving them plenty of reminders about the expectations can make all the difference in the severity of their actions.

“Remember only 3 friends can be in the blocks center so you may have to wait.” or “I know nap isn’t your favorite time but after lunch it’s going to be time to lay down; do you remember where your emotions chart is?”

This gives them a chance to make an appropriate decision about their behavior when they’re regulated enough to properly identify and process their feelings.

Teach Regulation Techniques Throughout The Day

You want to introduce regulation tools and methods like deep breathing, using an emotion chart, or using the peace corner when they’re calm.

Don’t wait until they’re in the middle of smacking their friends to attempt to show them the candle-breathing technique or calm-down bottles.

Learning to use those requires the use of the prefrontal cortex, the front part of the brain that helps us with emotional regulation, decision making, and empathy, but when a child is dysregulated and acting aggressively they’re not using that part of their brain.

Their limbic system is activated and they’re in a fight, flight, and freeze mode.

That means their ability to learn and understand how those regulation tools can help is severely limited.

The idea is to teach them beforehand so that when they are dysregulated, it’s already a learned skill that doesn’t require much processing on their part.

They can be prompted to take deep breaths and do so almost like they’re on autopilot and then eventually calm down enough to override the limbic system and think rationally again.

#2. When they are being aggressive (during the incidents)

Safety First

“Gentle” discipline methods often get a bad rep as being permissive and even oblivious to when a child is putting themselves or others in danger.

However, a huge part of most gentle discipline methods is respecting the child– and respect means caring enough to not let them hurt themselves or others.

When a child is at risk or already harming someone the FIRST priority is safety.

This may mean removing the child from the area or having the other children leave, removing items, blocking a child, or taking an item that has become dangerous from the child.

This can still be done respectfully by sportscasting what you’re doing and why. “I’m moving you from this area so you don’t get hurt.”

Or “Since you’re no longer being safe with the scissor, I’m taking them from you.”

Set the boundary.

Once they’re safe then you can establish the boundary.

It could be simply reminding them about more appropriate ways to express their emotions, or it might require a consequence like not moving to the next activity until they’ve cleaned the mess they made or not being allowed to play with a toy they took from a friend.

Example: “I’m going to take the toy from you since you won’t give it back. It was not your turn to use it and you cannot hit her because you’re upset”.

If the child continues to hit, block them and firmly let them know, “You still cannot have her toy and I also won’t allow you to hurt me. I’ll keep blocking your hand until you stop.” or remove yourself from the area.

The boundary is not being allowed to use the toy since they took it, and will continue to be enforced. Aggression doesn’t change that set boundary and get them what they want.

And here’s the honest truth, that can potentially trigger the child further and have them test further. So, if the child was hitting and you’ve been blocking them, they may change tactics and try kicking instead.

That’s where “I’m unbothered” comes in.

“I’m Unbothered”

Children need stability, and when they’re acting out they need someone to take charge for them.

The world and their feelings can feel big and overwhelming and they often feel powerless.

They need to see that the adult in the room will take charge when they feel out of control and is confident enough to do so.

When children are acting out aggressively, they’re often looking for a reaction and to see where the limits are.

Getting a reaction, especially a strong, visceral one like an adult becoming flustered when they hit or a peer crying when they bite can make them feel powerful, so they’ll keep doing it.

It can also feel powerful to know that they can push the boundaries further and further.

This is why self-regulation is so important because we’re not going to give the child an emotional reaction. Harming people is not an appropriate way to regain control or power, and we won’t reward it with a reaction.

Instead, show them that you set a boundary, and despite how big their emotion might feel at that moment, that boundary is going to be enforced.

You are “unbothered” and unresponsive to their attempts to get a reaction such as trying kicking when hitting didn’t work.

Just like when you blocked their hits, kicking doesn’t change the end result. “You still cannot have the toy and I won’t allow you to hurt me either...”

If they’re hurting a friend or raising their hand to threaten them, they’re likely pausing to look and see how the adult is reacting, whether it’s positive or negative.

You’re not going to ignore them, but you’re also not going to be reactive either.

Respond by stating plainly “If you hit you’ll have to leave the center.” or “You don’t hit when you’re angry, say ‘I’m angry’ instead.”

To sum it up, whatever decision you make, do so confidently and without being reactive.

Empathy

This is a hard one, especially when a child is being aggressive, but it’s important.

Be empathetic.

They need it now even more than ever.

This does not mean baby-talking the child or giving in to what they want.

But it does mean you’re acknowledging their feelings and their perspective.

We do this for three reasons:

1. This gives them back some feeling of power and control. When a child feels seen and validated, they feel a little more in control. Even as adults, we know a simple acknowledgment of our feelings can go a long way, even if it doesn’t necessarily result in what we want or fix our problem.

2. This helps them identify what they’re feeling. As mentioned earlier, children are not operating from their prefrontal cortex when they’re acting out aggressively, which means they’re also likely feeling intense emotions that can be scary and overwhelming.

   By acknowledging their emotion, you’re helping them identify what’s going on. “I can see you’re feeling angry right now, maybe even sad. Everyone gets sad sometimes.” When a child can understand what’s happening, they may feel safer, which means it’s easier for them to snap out of that fight, flight, or freeze mode.

3. It keeps us as adults grounded. It’s easy to forget how serious things can feel from a child’s perspective. What seems inconsequential to us, can be a big deal for them. Remembering this can help us better meet the needs of the child. “Seeing him knock over your tower must have been extremely frustrating. You worked really hard on it.”

Keep it simple

When they’re in the middle of a meltdown, now is not the time for complex lectures, discussions, or trying to reason.

Again, going back to that prefrontal cortex vs limbic system, they are not in the state of mind to be rational.

They need to calm down first.

So keep your instructions and your language simple, clear, and concise.

If you’re offering choices, make them easy and be prepared to make a choice for them if/when they can’t.

For example: “I can tell you’re angry right now but hitting hurts your friends and now she’s crying and upset. Do you want your friend to be upset? There are other ways to show you’re angry without hitting. You need to clean up the mess you made during your tantrum and say sorry to your friend for hurting her.”

In that example, there are multiple directions for the child to follow that also require a lot of skill; from recognizing emotion and practicing empathy, to conflict resolution, planning, and reflection.

That’s likely too much for them to process, much less follow through on, in their current state of mind.

Instead try simplifying it: “Wow! I can see you’re angry about not using the toy. You can’t hit but I can help you clean up and find a new toy.”

Here, we’re avoiding long discussions and too many decisions.

After they’ve calmed down, you can discuss how their friend might have been feeling sad because they got hurt when they were hit. Then you can co-plan ways to resolve that.

And finally, be okay with them still being upset.

Children are entitled to their feelings, even “negative” ones like anger, frustration, and sadness.

If they’ve stopped being aggressive but haven’t necessarily stopped glaring or continue to cry, that’s okay for now.

We don’t need to “fix” their emotions, simply show them appropriate ways to express them.

Keep reassuring them you’re there if they need hugs or someone to read a book, but also be okay with letting them feel their emotions.

In summary

Before they’re aggressive:

• Self-regulate

• Be proactive and try to prevent the behavior

• Teach regulation skills throughout the day

When they’re acting aggressively:

• Prioritize safety

• Set the boundary

• Remain “unbothered”

• Demonstrate empathy

• Give clear and simple directions

• Allow them to feel their emotions

For more details on ways to manage behavior and behavior management techniques, check out the Classroom Chaos to Calm training.

If you found this blog post helpful, be sure to share it with other Early Childhood Educators or share your thoughts in the free facebook community the ECE Teachers Lounge.

Getting Parents On Board with Behavior Management

“It just seems like parents don’t care anymore.”

It’s a sentiment that can be found in almost every preschool/daycare Facebook group, discussions among ECE co-workers, and other communities in early childhood.

There’s this feeling that parents are too lenient, passive, and overall uncaring when it comes to their child and their behavior in the preschool/daycare classroom, and it’s creating a wedge of resentment between educators and parents.

So, how can we get parents to get on board with behavior management?

First, a little perspective…

“Well, little Jimmy never does this at home!”

Many educators roll their eyes (figuratively) when they hear this but…the parent might be right.

There’s actually a chance that little Jimmy doesn’t hit at home, have such aggressive tantrums, or act out.

And that’s because the child is in a completely different environment, with different stimulation and expectations.

At school, the child has more people to interact with and learn how to share, be empathetic, and courteous. They may have different limits and expectations for behavior.

Even if they have siblings, they’re still likely not sharing space and toys with multiple other children at home.

There is a myriad of different factors and personalities for the child to react to that they don’t encounter at home- meaning caregivers don’t get the opportunities to see certain behavior.

This isn’t necessarily an issue of parents not caring.

It’s a miscommunication issue.

Since the environment is not the same as home when we share behavior concerns with parents we also need to consider what differences could be impacting that behavior and give parents that full context.

Instead of only telling parents that Little Jimmy keeps hitting friends, also explain that it seems to happen more frequently when the play center is too crowded or when another child gets too close and he becomes protective over his toys, etc.

This gives parents a clearer picture of the behavior concern and why it’s a concern, even if it’s not something seen outside of the classroom.

But they don’t discipline them at home!

Here’s the thing.

We cannot control what happens in their home.

It certainly helps when parents are on the same page as educators, but at the end of the day, we cannot control how someone chooses to parent their child or which discipline methods they use and don’t use.

And we will only continue to stress ourselves out by focusing on aspects out of our control.

But out of our control doesn’t mean out of our influence.

There are things we can do to encourage parents to get involved with behavior management.

What would you like parents to do?

How you want parents to help is an important question.

Many educators are frustrated by the parents' seeming lack of urgency after reporting another biting incident, but if that happened hours ago, what could the parent do now that’s helpful?

This is going to require us to identify how we define discipline ourselves because our definition will frame how we see parents’ involvement in behavior management.

If we define discipline as punitive methods like lectures, taking away toys, timeouts, etc then when a parent doesn’t lecture or threaten to take away toys once they get home, it’s more likely you’ll feel frustrated.

However, developmentally, especially for young children, lectures and shaming (particularly hours after the event) do little to nothing to help with behavior.

That performative display of authority is more for the adult’s reassurance than to teach a child.

Knowing that, it feels like less of a big deal to not see a parent give a child a stern “talking to” because we know it’s not helping much anyway.

That being said, that doesn’t mean there’s nothing the parents and caregivers can do to help.

Often parents don’t know what they could do and we can’t assume that they have the same resources, knowledge, or perspective as an early childhood educator.

It helps if we clearly communicate how they can support us in the classroom.

When a child is displaying challenging behavior it’s often in response to an unmet need or a lack of a certain skill like impulse control or problem-solving.

Those are things parents can help with at home.

For example for an unmet need: if we know a child is regularly acting out right before lunch and is extremely tired, we can discuss with parents how to work together to get the child more sleep, maybe by an earlier bedtime or by asking the parents if they’re okay with staff getting the child ready for nap a few minutes early.

If it’s skill building: a child that’s struggling to ask for help and has resorted to screaming, you can ask parents to help reinforce using the sign for “help” when frustrated.

You can try suggesting books, printing an article, giving them the brochure for the speech evaluator, etc.

Stay in regular communication with the parents about what they’re doing at home, what’s going on at school, and what other supports they are using (like if they attend therapeutic play or speech therapy, etc).

Open communication helps ensure everyone is working towards a common goal to help the child succeed, as well as staying on top of important information that can impact the methods used, like if there was a recent change in service or a major life event.

A formal behavior plan can give everyone a clear picture of what behavior is happening at school, what the teacher is doing in response, and how parents can help support these efforts, and keep track of what’s been tried, and what’s working.

(BTW: Our online professional development on challenging behavior has a whole section dedicated to showing teachers how to make a behavior management plan.)

Don’t only communicate when things are bad!

If there’s ongoing behavior challenges, hopefully you’ve been in regular communication with the parent from the beginning concerning the behavior, but be intentional about mentioning other things too!

No one wants to only hear about why their child is so challenging 24/7 and it can warp their perception of you and your intentions if the only time you speak with them it’s to tell them something negative.

Share a positive learning moment, a funny joke the child made, reassure them you’re both on the same team, something positive to maintain a good relationship with them.

When nothing works…

In a perfect world, parents/caregivers would 100% get on board with supporting educators with behavior challenges and be open to communication and teamwork.

Unfortunately, it is not a perfect world.

There might be situations where the parent absolutely refuses to seek out an evaluation, digs their feet in about insisting their child isn’t capable of certain behavior, or doesn’t follow through on something you know would be beneficial for the child.

You could give them a million and one articles and resources to help and they all might go unread and ignored.

It’s frustrating.

But you might have to come to terms with it and move forward with trying to provide the best care you can with things within your control.

In those moments remember:

• Try to withhold judgment. We never know why a parent is refusing to get involved. It could be they’re at their mental/emotional capacity, maybe they’re struggling with the fear of a possible diagnosis, maybe they don’t have the resources or an understanding of how to navigate the situation, etc.

  It’s easy to jump to the conclusion that they’re bad parents or just don’t care- but that’s an assumption, and a potentially harmful one.

• Keep communicating and trying. You can’t force caregivers to do something, but you can keep encouraging them.

  Continue to provide resources, updating the parent, reminding them you’re there to be a support if they need you, and that you’re there and waiting when/if they’re ready to move forward.

• It’s harder to see change without parent support, but not impossible. You can still create consistent routines and expectations for the child in the classroom with or without parental support. Eventually, the child will begin to see that there are a certain set of expectations at school that you enforce, even if it’s not followed through with at home.

If it’s something beyond your scope of care, like intense aggression, concerns with cognitive development, or maladaptive behavior and it really needs a parent’s intervention to seek out evaluations or other resources, the next steps need to be discussed in-depth with your director.

The answer isn’t always expulsion. As a matter of fact, we encourage, if at all possible, to not resort to exclusionary methods.

You may be able to get support from other agencies like an ECE coach or behavior management coach to help in the classroom. Still continue to communicate with the parents.

Unfortunately, there are honestly still some situations where the child simply cannot get the care they need without certain resources, and if the parent’s lack of involvement is what’s preventing that, then we owe it to the child (and parent) to be honest and let them know upfront.

Overall, sometimes that feeling of parents not caring is actually just miscommunication or a lack of communication.

And in situations when you might be on your own, share your frustration with a trusted colleague or Early Childhood community members and hold on to knowing that you’re doing your best, and that’s all you really can do.

Managing a loud, busy, energetic Preschool classroom

There are some preschool/daycare groups of kids that are relatively peaceful.

They seem to quickly catch on to rotating around centers, share with little trouble, and sit nicely in their spot to listen to a story.

Then there’s the other group…

They love to explore boundary limits and there isn’t a second to spare.

They’re always up and yelling, jumping, accidentally (or purposely) body slamming into something or someone.

It’s loud.

It’s busy.

And you’re burning out.

So how do you manage such an energetic classroom?

First things first, are they set up for success?

We know the environment has a huge impact on behavior so we want to use it strategically.

Even with a calmer classroom, being intentional about classroom arrangement, materials, and the overall aesthetic of the room is a key part of behavior management.

When you’re reviewing the classroom environment, be mindful that you’re not looking at it from an adult perspective, but rather an estimate of how a child could be experiencing the room.

Take a look at the classroom furniture arrangement:

• Is it arranged to break up the space so there aren’t too many large spaces that encourage sprinting back and forth, wandering, overcrowding, etc?

Take a look at the materials:

• Are there enough materials for children to play with and do they have access to it?

• Are the materials interesting, in good condition, and are there a variety of options?

• Are they organized in a way that’s inviting (open containers or on display)?

• Is it possible that there are too many materials making it look either overwhelming or uninviting? (Think about when you have so many clothes in your closet that it feels like you have nothing to wear. Children can feel the same way about too many toys available, or if the toys are disorganized.)

If they’re consistently tossing, destroying, or misusing the materials, this could be a signal that it’s time to either reduce and/or reorganize the materials, or do a toy rotation.

Take a look at the classroom decor:

• Is the decor overstimulating, too busy, and/or excessive?

If the environment looks good, then next let’s look at the classroom routine and transitions.

For busy groups, consistency and predictability can go a looooong way.

Start by evaluating if you have a solid routine.

Since a day in the life of a daycare class can be ever changing, instead of heavily focusing on schedule, we encourage focusing on routine.

A schedule is based on time, but a routine is based on the order of events.

So every day, the same activities happen in the same order as much as possible, regardless of the time.

This gives teachers the flexibility to do things like allow more outdoor play if the class is showing a need to let out some energy. Even if the class goes inside later than usual, they’d still know the routine is to go wash their hands and sit down for snack after outside play.

Or if your class has kids who wake up from nap earlier than others, they still know the routine is to fold up their sheets and go potty.

A solid routine can help reduce arguments about what a child should be doing at the time, as well as reduce the amount of time you spend scrambling for ideas on how to corral a busy group all day because you’re not playing it by ear.

Transitions are also an important part of a routine.

Shortening wait times and how long children are idle reduces opportunities for busy kids to find less than appropriate ways to cure their boredom.

Though it might only feel like a short amount of time from an adult perspective, asking a child with a limited attention span to wait quietly for 10 minutes is asking a lot.

A consistent routine can help shorten transition times but having a transition method is icing on the cake.

An example of a transition method: when it’s time to move from outdoor play to inside, every day you give a verbal 5-minute warning.

When it’s time to line up a friend rings the bell and everyone grabs their water bottle and lines up next to the gate. When everyone is lined up, they walk inside together.

Again, this is something you do consistently. Every time it’s time to transition from outdoors to indoors, the bell gets rung and kids line up at the gate.

alright, so we’ve set them up for success as much as possible, what about the actual busyness?!

Here are a few tips:

1. Let them play. If they’re engaged with block play but then 15 minutes later a teacher insists they move to art, this is going to invite misbehavior. Is there a reason they need to do the ladybug project?

   Probably not. If they’re engaged in something, leave them be. This goes the same for when they’re not interested. Example: for circle time if they’re disengaged, instead of forcing them to sit through it, cut it short for that day and move to the next activity.

2. Allow for some risky play on the playground. Often a described energetic classroom also has a lot of children engaging in a lot of sensory seeking behavior, especially for proprioceptive and vestibular sensory input.

   Things like rigorous climbing, running, spinning, and jumping outside can help meet that need so they’re not doing it indoors.

3. Add weight and large items. Again, going back to sensory seeking, they’re looking for that physical input. Activities like lifting large blocks, sitting with weighted pillows, or pushing a heavy cart can help reduce behavior like pushing or playing too rough with friends.

4. Create a sensory station. If you have a solid routine and environment set up, then introducing a sensory station can be beneficial.

   It doesn’t have to be a large space, but an area with hand prints on the wall so they can push against it, a beanbag for kids to melt into, or resistance bands for kids to pull can be a great area to redirect energetic kids.

   In younger classrooms, furniture like a pikler triangle, climbing structure, or balance beams can help redirect busy energy.

5. Re-look at expectations. While you may have been able to do a water table with a previous class, the temptation for splashing might be too much for your current group and that’s okay. Instead of forcing them to “get it right”, try switching it to something they can succeed at.

   As you get a hang of managing their energy and they get a better grasp of classroom expectations, you can reintroduce those activities they struggled with at first.

6. “Getting the wiggles out” might backfire. You might have attempted the tried and true methods to help get the wiggles out like a dance party or group beanbag tossing, only to find that it seemed to make your energizer bunnies more amped up.

   That’s because sometimes, though the activity was meant to be calming, it can be overstimulating. If that seems to be the case, instead of large group activities to get wiggles out, try small group and/or slow-paced activities like sitting on the floor and deep breathing with wind spinners or dimming the lights and stretching.

And last but not least, be kind to yourself.

A busy, energetic classroom doesn’t mean a “bad” classroom, or that you’re a bad teacher.

It just means they have different needs.

Keep self-regulating, stay strong, and keep your coffee stronger.

Preparing Your PreK Class for the Holiday Chaos

October has rolled around which also means the holidays are also on their way.

During the holiday season though, teachers often experience that their classroom suddenly turns abnormally chaotic.

There seem to be more whining, tantrums, and children start testing their limits more than they normally might.

Although a little disruption is normal during this time, we can minimize the impact the holidays have on our classroom by being proactive.

Here are a few things to keep in mind as the holiday season approaches.

Expect some restlessness, emotional meltdowns, and testing behavior.

Children tend to absorb the energy around them and the holidays certainly make people busy and excited. Also, it can be a busy and even stressful time for families filled with family trips, activities, and events.

This means your students are probably seeing changes in their schedules and routines, such as staying up later than they normally would for a fall festival or having relatives visiting their homes.

These events and changes can be a lot of fun for children, but also stressful and tiring.

Tired and overwhelmed little ones may misbehave, become emotional, or even shy away or refuse to participate in classroom activities in an attempt to escape the busyness.

They’re not “being bad”, they’re stressed.

You can help your students by making sure your own classroom isn’t overly busy with endless activities and by trying to stay consistent with your routines.

For example, having your “party” at the same time you’d normally have a snack can reduce disruption.

Remember to plan with your students in mind.

The holidays always bring a whole new level of inspiration for fun activities and crafts for the classroom, but be mindful that you’re not getting swept up in the excitement and forcing activities, especially when it comes to process art.

We can become so excited about making cute handprint turkeys and Santa beards to display and send home to parents that we don’t remember that for children, the process and experience prior to the finished project are where their learning really happens.

And they might not want anything to do with the craft altogether.

Make sure you’re giving your students plenty of time to explore and enjoy their art and crafts and that they still have plenty of open exploration too.

An indicator that your kids might not be enjoying the activities is if they start resisting participating. Don’t be afraid to give a child who’s not interested permission to do something else or opt-out.

Also be mindful of overplanning events such as parties, parades, and performances and their lengths.

Plan for more Gross Motor activities and whole-body movement play.

Depending on where you live the weather can be having a serious impact on your ability to take your students outside, and sometimes they’re only able to be outside for a limited amount of time.

All of that energy that they’d normally be able to release by running around the playground is hard for little ones to contain.

As a result, you might find them running around, wrestling, and becoming overall antsier in the classroom.

You can try to buffer some of this extra energy by planning lots of gross motor games and having more activities that require whole-body movement. Here are a few ideas:

• Incorporate more dance and movement outside of group time

• Create an indoor hopscotch

• Make a large road around the classroom that they can move cars around

• Have a separate group time for stretching and yoga

• Provide weighted blocks and large, weighted toys for their center activities

• Rotate through calming sensory bins

• Have large yoga balls and balancing beams available indoors for them to use

• Take small groups on small walks around the school

Be flexible with your plans.

Maybe you had planned to make mummies or paint pumpkins for that day but you can’t seem to get your kids to sit still long enough to even get the paint out.

If it’s become more stressful than fun for you and/or the kids, it’s okay to change plans.

There’s really no point in insisting on completing the activity if you’re spending 80% of that time redirecting and trying to get them to pay attention.

It’s perfectly fine to reschedule the activity for a different time/day or just drop it altogether and move on.

via GIPHY

Reach out and recruit help.

If you need help, ask for it.

Having an extra hand who can shadow and sit with some of the children that are busy or having a hard time can make all the difference in a classroom, especially during the holidays.

Asking for help during classroom parties or messy activities like playing with pumpkins or baking holiday treats can keep the classroom from spiraling out of control while you’re busy trying to keep the flour in the bowl.

Ask if there’s a floater who you can ask to step into the classroom, or if your assistant director is willing to come in for a little bit with you. You can even recruit parents and help them get involved.

The holidays can bring lots of chaos with them.

With children filling up on treats, staying up past bedtimes, and having to stay indoors because of snow or rain, it can be a bit much.

But it’s also a lot of fun and a great time for special events that you wouldn’t normally do.

With a little bit of planning and forward-thinking, teachers can turn all that extra energy into a lot of fun.

3 Things To Do (and not do) When Dealing With Challenging Behavior

Guiding kids on how to identify, regulate, and safely express their emotions, and other social/emotional skills are crucial and should be the focus of teaching in the PreK and Daycare classrooms.

And with little minds trying to process big emotions it's inevitable that we’ll come across a child who’s having a harder time with this than his or her peers and we as teachers have to navigate our way through various behavior issues.

Some of them can be as simple as a child refusing to line up for outside time or as concerning as aggressive behavior and harming themselves and/or their peers.

Helping a child through this time can feel daunting and stressful.

There are many moments where it can feel tempting to call it quits and send the child on their way to someone, anyone else, but with the rise of preschool expulsions, many of these “problem children” get bounced between a number of schools, making their behavior worse.

As the quote says “the children who need love the most will ask for it in the most unloving ways”.

The children that are requiring the most energy from us are often the ones that need our attention, our patience, and our determination the most.

That, however, doesn't remove the fact that these challenging behavior issues put an enormous strain on our mental and physical resources.

Having an understanding of these actions as well as a plan of action can dramatically reduce the overwhelm and put the control back in your hands as an educator instead of being at the mercy of a young child's executive functioning skills.

Here are 3 Dos and Don'ts of managing difficult and challenging behavior in the classroom. 

The 3 Do’s:

DO bring up your concerns to relevant guardians in the child's life. This means getting parents or caretakers together for a meeting to discuss the child's behavior, making sure you and your assistant or co-teacher are on the same page about what you've observed and how you plan on managing their behavior, and asking your director for any support, advice, training or resources they might have on hand.

It's important that this becomes a supportive team effort and not a solo mission which can easily lead to teacher burnout. 

DO show empathy and love. While it's true challenging behavior requires a firm response, that doesn't mean we have to withhold affection and empathy.

It's okay to offer a hug or one-on-one time in appropriate situations. Validate their emotions and frustrations, show them you care. This is actually a key part in overcoming challenging behavior. 

DO be proactive. Make detailed observations and try preventative measures as often as possible. Use your observations to pinpoint the child's triggers and avert any negative behavior you can predict.

For example: if you know transitioning from free play to lunch sparks a meltdown, try giving them an individual 5-minute warning and visual countdown.

It also helps to be proactive with discipline techniques in cases when you can't prevent challenging behavior. 

The 3 Don’ts:

DON’T assume the why. It's easy to just chalk up certain behavior to poor parenting, technology, sugar, or some other type of scapegoat. However, when we begin to assume the cause of the behavior without really looking into the situation, we cloud our perspective on the potential real reasons and thus, prevent ourselves from coming up with lasting solutions that can help the child.

Challenging behavior often requires a fair amount of detective work to get to the root of the issue and requires even more patience during the trial-and-error process. 

DON’T make empty threats. Children are perceptive and catch on quickly to a lack of consistency and lack of follow-through.

It's tempting to say something dramatic or something that you know will elicit a response like you'll call mom or dad if they keep misbehaving but the chances of them eventually calling your bluff are high. If it's something you can't follow through on, it's best to look for a different solution. 

DON’T get sucked into the battle. Ever caught yourself negotiating with a child? One minute you’re explaining to them why they can't do something and ten minutes later you realize you’ve somehow been dragged into a back-and-forth debate that's going in circles.

Or you’ve spent the last few minutes lecturing and trying to get them to understand why their behavior was wrong.

When children are dysregulated enough to act out they’re also too dysregulated to hear reason.

They need someone to be their stability. It's important to stay in control of the situation and avoid a power struggle. 

This can sneak up on us! You might even find yourself going back and forth with a child about no longer going back and forth, repeating things like “That's enough” or “I'm done discussing this” over and over.

A good rule of thumb? If you've said the same or similar phrase more than 3 times in a short period of time you might be feeding into a power struggle. 

Likewise, being mindful of accidentally internalizing their behavior and/or sharing their emotional state.

Just because the child is upset and frustrated does not mean you have to be as well. You can empathize and help them work through big emotions without sharing them. 

The biggest thing to remember about challenging behavior is that it's an ongoing process.

There isn't an overnight solution (and if you know one please share it!) and it's going to take some trial runs, testing, and patience to sometimes see even the smallest results. When thinking of solutions you need to think long-term.

Short-term solutions that temporarily provide a band-aid fix to a much deeper issue can be helpful to relieve stress for all parties involved until a better strategy is implemented. But we should always have long-term solutions as the goal or we increase the risk of the child regressing and ultimately do the child a disservice. 

If you enjoyed this share it with other teachers!

Further reading: Help! They’re destroying the classroom.

Using Group/Circle Time With Intention: Building Impulse Control

Circle time is a great opportunity to build crucial skills beyond letter recognition in preschoolers that will benefit them in and out of the classroom.

Executive functioning skills are basically the skills we develop to help us with mental processes to focus, plan, follow multi-step instructions, and more.

It’s been compared to an air traffic station for our brains, giving the planes (our thoughts, emotions, and information) direction.

It’s our brain’s ability to intake all of the information and initiate, execute, and complete a task.

These skills were previously assumed to be “built-in” and predetermined at birth, but now we’re learning that we have the ability to strengthen and build these skills, especially during our early years.

How to use group time to build important executive functioning skills in the preschool classroom

Group time/Circle time is a great opportunity to help children build on these skills, including impulse control.

This time is ideal since you’re able to intentionally plan your activities and lessons to help build specific EF (executive functioning) skills.

The two that are particularly useful to help strengthen at this time are impulse control and following directions.

Before we start though I do want to make a quick PSA.

• You can (and should) build these skills outside of circle time.

• Circle time shouldn’t be very long if you chose to have it.

• You actually don’t even need formal circle time at all…

Alright, with that out the way, let’s get started!

Impulse Control:

Impulse control generally refers to the ability to control oneself, especially one’s emotions and desires.

But the ability of a child to resist acting out their impulse is hard.

The ability to resist that impulse when they’re feeling an intense emotion is really hard.

Learning to resist that impulse while emotional, and then redirecting themselves is even harder.

So this is a skill that needs lots of practice and repetition.

Learning impulse control can help when it comes to tasks like cleaning up, sharing with others, and reacting appropriately when feeling big emotions like anger or excitement (i.e. not hitting).

One way to build impulse control? The tried and true recess games:

Games that can help build this skill:

• Simon Says

• Freeze Tag

• What Time is it, Mr. Fox?

• Red Light Green Light

• Teacher, May I?

Building these skills in a group setting can further reinforce these skills because not only does the child have to remain aware of their own actions, but they have to resist the distraction from other friends.

For teachers, this can help reduce the “domino effect” that can happen where one child begins to act out and the others follow.

Another way to help build this impulse control is to have children perform very specific actions within certain parameters.

For example, The “Spaghetti” Game: at your instruction children wiggle different body parts one at a time like it’s spaghetti (arms, then legs, head, etc), and at the end wiggle their whole body.

This allows for kids to be silly and funny but they also have to practice keeping their energy contained by only wiggling one body part at a time.

Also, try games where they have to pass items to someone else or take turns.

Sometimes, during group, we’d bring something fun to observe like a crystal or a souvenir from a recent vacation and let the children hold it. They can observe it for a moment before giving it to the friend sitting next to them to do the same. During this, we’d sing “take a look and pass it on”.

During these types of games, children have to actively resist keeping the item to themselves and regulate their emotions while watching someone else have a turn.

Also, toys like a rainbow tent and having kids wait till you say go before running underneath can help build impulse control when they’re excited.

And of course, music and movement always work.

Songs like the Freeze Dance, Listen and Move, and Going on a Bear Hunt are great songs to practice keeping their energy contained while being excited.

This song has always been a hit in my classroom:

Last tip:

Remember to provide clear instructions and expectations for these games so they understand what’s expected of them.

For the most part, most children simply recognize these games as a fun way to “get their wiggles out” and don’t know you’re building important skills in them. ;-)

ENJOYED THIS POST? DON'T FORGET TO PIN AND SHARE WITH OTHER TEACHERS!